The cougar made it to the den

I am the Salt Lake Cougar. I was born and raised in Salt Lake City in an environment not conducive to life as a cougar. Being a lone cub amid running Indians strengthened my conviction in the sporting world of BYU. Despite our differences, the Ute tribe had adopted me as one of their own. I lived with 5 of them Winter semester a stones throw away from the U campus in Salt Lake. At the age of 23 I finally left the tribe and made it to the den and became a full-fledged BYU student. It has only been 4 days, but the differences are astounding. Don't get me wrong, I am super happy to be here. But I can't help but share some of my recent zoobie findings.

I call this specimen "Cougar". She was spotted at Taco Bell on BYU campus trying to seduce young, naive BYU students with her cooking skills and immodest shirt. Not only did she lose 54 pounds, but she is probably close to 54 herself. A cougar in every sense of the meaning. The honor code office caught her wearing an immodest tank top and demanded that she put on something more appropriate. Please warn freshmen and RMs alike of the potential hazards.